Sunday afternoon. Matthew is sleeping, Kylie is playing and Brett is at the store.

CP placed 5th yesterday. We were happy with that. He showed a lot of heart just getting out there at all after Derek's death. After all, Derek was his workout partner all through high school and his teammate for 7 years. CP said he didn't sleep well on Friday and seem sluggish Saturday morning. Anyway, he lost his first match, didn't really wrestle the first period. But he won against MD big and then beat Carmel in triple overtime. That was exciting. I know it wasn't what his goal was but he had a lot going against him with his bad knee this year, re injuring it in January and then Derek.

It was a nice day of wrestling yesterday. The kids stayed all day and night with Dick and Sharon. So I didn't need to worry. It was crazy to use my breast pump in the bathroom, not very cozy but it worked. Brett had to carry it back and forth from the equipment bag since coolers were not allowed in the stands. I wonder if anyone wondered what was in that Ziploc bag!

Church was this morning. We worked in the nursery during first service. There wasn't anything about Derek in the bulletin but it may have already been printed beforehand. They may have announced it after service but we weren't there so I don't know. Brett did bring it up during prayer requests and couldn't even get the first sentence out before he started to cry. He hasn't really thought much about it, he's been trying to stay focused on wrestling for the kids. But today it's really hitting him. I burned the pictures from Derek's senior night onto a CD so Brett is at the store now, making a 8x10 of it to give to Diane. We're going over there today to pay our respects. Brett called her to see if it was OK and said he started to cry as soon as she answered the phone. She said we could come over anytime, that there were a lot of people over today. Brett is going over to Coach's house after the kids go to bed to help him write the eulogy. Coach took the Ben Davis wrestling "torch" that we used to give to the next captain at the end of the year awards banquet and is going to have it used in a floral arrangement for the funeral. The next few days are going to be very hard for everyone.
That's about it for now.

What a morning. Brett called at 8:00 to tell me that one of his wrestlers, Derek Beall, committed suicide last night. It is so tragic. Derek was such a nice kid. Smart, talented, just the last person that I would think would do this. His mom, Diane, sat next to me during every match and always has candy for Kylie. They even gave Kylie and Matthew Christmas presents. I feel just sick for Diane, what she must be going through now. Brett was crying and had left work to get to the school. Then he took CP and Chris, the two wrestlers who are competing tonight and one other kid to our house. He didn't want them to be alone and didn't want them to be dwelling on what happened. So he had them watch the wrestling movie "Vision Quest" and I feed them (except CP since he's close on his weight for weigh-ins tonight). Gabby came over and he had gone to dinner with Derek last night. Didn't get the impression that anything was wrong. Derek went to practice to help CP work out, like he does every night. Brett did say that he cleaned out his locker but that wasn't really unusual since it was the last day of practice. What a blow to everyone. I think about going to these kids graduation parties and weddings, not their funerals.
I went to church to my bible study but didn't stay long, just long enough to ask for prayers and to talk to the youth group pastor, Nick. Derek's younger brother is involved with our youth group so I knew that Nick would want to know. He was going to call his friend at the school to see if they needed any extra counseling help.
I just can't believe that Derek would do this the night before State. He knew how important it is for the guys to be mentally ready for this. I just don't know what was going so bad in his life that this is what he did.



Later that night:

Back from State. Found out some more information. Derek hung himself between 1am and 5:30. He did his homework, went to bed and talked to his girlfriend until 1:00. His mom went to wake him up at 5:30 and found him. He had been dead for a while. Weird, Brett was up at 2am getting sick....wonder if that was when Derek did it. Anyway, he left a note but didn't indicate his reasons. His girlfriend said they hadn't fought, that he didn't say anything to make her think something was wrong. Diane called Nick, the youth group leader, and asked him to talk with Justin. I'm glad that I took the time to talk to Nick beforehand so he might have had time to pray and prepare. The viewing is on Monday and the services will be afterwards. Both are at Chapel Rock so I think Pastor Fred will oversee it. This is what hits me the most -- in lue of flowers, they are asking that donations be made in Derek's name to the wrestling program. It was so hard to see all the kids and parents at State tonight. Everyone was there to support CP and Chris but all knew what was in our minds and hearts. They sent cards around for everyone to sign. Coach is going to Gillespe's to order flowers on Sunday from the coachs. Several of the mom's and Coach had gone to visit Diane. Said she was in shock. I just keep praying that she will somehow have peace but that will take a long time. It's just so hard when there doesn't seem to be a reason. No fights, no noticeable depression, nothing. It just sucks. At first I was angry for him being so selfish but now I just know that he wasn't in his right mind. The Derek we know wouldn't do this. Barb Miller was in our bible study this morning and prayed the most eloquent prayer for me. She put all my feelings and frustration and questions into words and laid it all at God's feet. And that's all we can do.



Anyways, Chris got drilled by a senior from MD, pinned in 64 seconds. But he's a freshman so we're not worried, good experience for him. CP had a great match, controlled the whole thing. Won decisively. Tomorrow should be interesting!

Well, once again it's been awhile. Let me try to catch up quickly.

Matthew started sleeping through the night!!!! That happened right after Christmas. I was fed up with it and bought a book called "Healthy sleep habits, happy child" and read it over Christmas. I probably wasn't the most social I've been but I really needed to read that book. Anyways, it basically showed me how to look for sleep signs before he's tired and putting him to bed earlier, like 7pm. Which is 90mins earlier then before. We started better with the naps and bedtime while still at my parents. And once we got home, we let him CIO (cry it out) the first night. I was too exhausted and fed up to wait. Well, low and behold, he cried when we put him to bed for 15 mins and feel asleep! Then he woke up a few more times at night, cried for 5 mins or so and then went back to sleep. It was wonderful. So, now, almost 2 months later, he goes to sleep between 7-7:30 and usually sleeps until 5 or 6am. Then I nurse him and he falls back asleep till 7 or 8. Working good for me!

Matthew also has 2 teeth on the bottom. And started crawling on his 9 month b-day. He had been doing the army crawl for a few weeks but on 2/8/07, he started on all fours. It's pretty exciting and Kylie likes to cheer him on.

Kylie is doing great. She started gymnastics and is loving it. She listens to the teacher well and follows the directions pretty good too. Next week she starts going in the evening with Brett. He's anxious to help coach her with it.

We did have some potty training regression during Christmas. She got constipated and wasn't going for several days at a time. Then would go in her panties. It was very frustrating. After we got back into our normal routine after Christmas, we started over with the PTing. Had the chair in the kitchen, rewards for peeing, everything. Within a few days, she was back on track. It was like she forgot how to do it. I googled "potty training regression" and it said it can be very common around times of stress, like moving or the holidays.

Christmas was great. I had whole long blog written on the computer about our Christmas but I can't find it now. If I do find it, I'll publish it later. Basically, Kylie got her beloved Pony Castle from Uncle Josh. She was so excited when she opened it. She knew what it was from the first tear of the paper. She started screaming and jumping up and down "It's a pony castle!!!!". And she has played with it plenty. We had to move it into her bedroom because Matthew was trying to eat all the little parts of it. But she still plays with it a lot. Her other favorite Christmas present was a bag of little dollar store toys from her teachers. She carried that bag of cheap toys around all Christmas eve, even had to sleep with them. And it was near disaster when we couldn't find one part of it. What a funny kid.

Matthew really likes his discovery dome he got from Brett's parents (my suggestion, it looked so neat). And he likes to stand at the Thomas Train Table that Santa got him. He just pulls the train tracks apart so I have to figure out how they go back together. And the circus train that my parents got him is a huge hit with both kids. It was the first thing that he crawled too when he learned to crawl.

I got a beautiful diamond circle pendent from Brett. He hid it in my new boots that I picked out. He was mad that I was with him when he bought the boots so he wrote on the tag "Surprise, it's boots." Loser.

Brett really liked the portable iPod player we got for his car. And he's been using the camera lens we got a lot too.

Well, enough about Christmas.

Wrestling is winding down. State finals start tomorrow. We have 2 kids going, CP and another kid, Chris Hines. He's only a freshman, the first freshman to qualify for state from BD. I'm taking Kylie with me to Conseco for Friday night and then leaving her and Matthew with D&S all day and night on Saturday. It will be fun but I'll also miss them.

We've got some crazy weather here. January was really warm, like 40 and 50's for most of it. Then the snow started in Feb. This week, we had a "blizzard". We got 9 inches in 24 hours and would have had more if we didn't get sleet for 12 of those hours. Up north got more then 18 inches. It's crazy. So much snow that the mail lady can't or won't deliver because the snow is too high in front of the mail box. We haven't gotten mail in 3 days. I went to the PO today and they said the mail lady would be back at 4:30. And they close at 5. so I have a whopping 30 mins to get up there and pick up my 3 days of mail. Grrrrr.

My friend Sara, is most likely moving back!!! Her husband is just waiting on the official offer. How exciting is that. I've missed her so much. It will be great to have her near by again.

Well, that's about all I can think of. I'll try to write more often. :)